Sunday, February 17, 2013
Today, and maybe even more so tonight, was pretty frustrating. Along with an incredibly busy week at work, we’re doing last minute cosmetic fixes to our house, as it goes on the market Monday morning. The kicker…Emmy came down with a fever, Becca is sick, and Levi has been up screaming, while grabbing his ears for the last hour. What can I say? The life of a parent is exhilarating! A fly-by-your-seat joy ride consisting of poopy diapers, sibling fights, whiny children, bill paying, and whatever else you can imagine. Overall…pure joy.
As I hovered over Levi’s crib, stroking his hair with frustration boiling over, it hit me…I’M INCREDIBLY FORTUNATE. Earlier this afternoon, I read a friend’s post on Facebook, “Sad to hear Daisy went to be with Jesus. Praying for the Merricks.” You see, Daisy is a special girl who’s been on my heart for the last couple months. You can read more about her here, http://prayfordaisy.com/, but the gist is this…a child who defeated cancer not once, but twice, only to have a third and ultimate battle with cancer. The end result? She went to be with Jesus at 2:40am this morning. Simply put, my encounter with reality was a huge and deserving kick to the side of my head.
There I was, frustrated with the cards I had been dealt for this one small week of my life, while a family dealt with a loss of a child. That’s right…A CHILD! I’m bitching and cursing in my mind about what I may have to deal with over the next 24, possibly 48 hours and someone just lost an immeasurable ray of sunshine in their lives. A parent’s worst nightmare, a loss of a dream, a decisive blow in a 3 year-long battle, which they thought they had won twice. An unnerving, stomach pumping, wrestle with God saga and these parents who had just suffered a Titanic-sized punch to the gut, had only these words to say…
“At 2:40am this morning our sweet Daisy went to be with Jesus. She was sleeping and in no pain. Christ is with us as the God of all comfort. We are thankful.
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)
Daisy believed this and so do we. More than ever.
Are you fricken kidding me?!!! Your child just left this world, along with every hug, kiss, and snuggle you may have ever experienced for the rest of her life, not to mention every funny, joyful thing she could say or ever do and you’re praising God and saying thank you for His comfort?! I’m not faulting them. As I said, it was a huge and deserving kick to the side of my head. [Merrick family, I am SO thankful for your words and example. I won’t stop praying for you and the affect you will undoubtedly have on those you come in contact with.]
You see, I’m a very selfish person. I don’t know exactly how many selfish thoughts I have in a day, but I have to imagine it’s in the high double-digits, if not triple-digits. So much so, that apparently the thought of putting off my weekend ‘To Do List’ to take care of my family and stay up with a sick baby is way too much to comprehend. Yeah, big idiot over here!
That realization led me to this...My life is not my own. Yup, the motto I was determined to live by ever since adopting our son in March of 2010. The motto I’ve spoke about with countless people. The motto I wrote about on my wife’s blog (http://bealsclan.blogspot.com/2010/12/are-we-adopting-again.html). The very words I had tattooed on my bicep in Amharic. The meaning of those words and how I’ve lived since taking them on as my life’s goal couldn’t be more different. Most people’s biggest hit on Christians is that they are too hypocritical. If they’re looking to point a finger at someone, here I am.
Let’s take it a step further. My wife, the Incredible Rebecca Beal, has been asking me about adopting again ever since we brought our son home from Ethiopia. If you’re keeping track, that’s nearly 3 years and for every time she’s brought up the subject, I’ve had a reply having something to do with the following… 1. Let’s wait until... [fill in the blank] 2. It’s a lot of money and we don’t have anything close to that in our bank account. 3. I’m really not ready for more children. Our hands are pretty full as it is.
Now I’m not saying number 3 isn’t a valid reason for not having more children, but let me point to a quote from my post on her blog from the above mentioned link…
“…“My life is not my own.” Those words never ring so true than when I imagine if something happened to Becca and I, and our children were left with no one to love them, care for them, read to them, or hold them. I would want someone to take them in, no matter the cost or hardship their new parents may face. When I think of our children alone, the conviction can’t be any greater. My life is not my own.”
Yeah. If you’re keeping track at home, as far as kicks to the side of my head, the count is…Holy Spirit 2, Charlie 0.
Well, I don’t know about you, but for me, two kicks in the head from the Holy Spirit are all I need (most of the time).
I guess that can only mean one thing for this guy (thumb pointed directly at my oversized forehead), it’s time to sell out. Yes, IT’S TIME TO SELL OUT! I’ve talked the talk. It’s time to walk the walk. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not waiting up all night for my wife to wake up, so we can have this conversation in the morning. And with everything going on right now, I’m not looking forward to taking up a bunch of ‘To Do List’ time tomorrow to have this conversation, but Daisy’s passing has brought me a sense of urgency. It’s brought me back to the same fire and urgency I had back on December 13th, 2010 when I first wrote “My Life is Not My Own.” That original fire dwindled quickly. It's time to throw on some lighter-fluid and watch it burn like the sands of Bolsa Chica!
Becca, if you’re reading this, this is my unconditional surrender. The white flag is out, I’ve laid down my weapons, and I’m officially a POW of our Savior and all He has for us. I’m not saying I’ll sign official adoption documents tomorrow, but when Christ says, “Go,” I’ll go. Let’s bring as many in as He calls us to and let’s do it well. In the meantime, let’s have some fun with what He has given us. As Daisy’s story has clearly told us, tomorrow is not promised for any of us, so let’s make today count and consider my here-on-out motto, ‘My Life is Not My Own,’ absolute truth.
I’ll close with this…It’s amazing what childlike faith can show us. Daisy believed she would be healed and guess what…she is.
'Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies, and everyone who lives and believes in Me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26)'
Daisy wasn’t concerned with the worries of tomorrow because she wasn't concerned with tomorrow. She wasn’t even concerned with herself! Daisy was having fun where she was at…in the moment. From the videos I’ve seen and her quoted words, I saw a true thankfulness for everyday and a true trust in her Savior…Our Savior.
My Life is Not My Own? Yup!
PS…In one of the videos on their blog, Daisy says, “Thanks for praying for me.” Now, we all speak those words from time to time, but she said it as one who believed those prayers worked…because they did! Those are the prayers that move mountains. Please pray those mountain-moving-prayers for us as we seek Him.